“How old are you?” “Do you have a boyfriend?”
These are the two questions I was asked by a complete stranger on day one in the International Women’s Hostel, Tokyo.
I was stumped as for the first time in 26 years of my life till then, someone had asked such questions point blank. Whatever happened to “Never ask a lady her age,” which is considered a truism globally.
Gauging my horrified expression, and yet not bothering to introduce herself, she explained that this was normal in Japan and I might be faced with these or similar questions repeatedly. And yes, I am expected to answer them, irrespective of the gender of the interrogator, if I wanted to befriend them.
A speculative “ok” was the only word I could mouth then and thankfully she didn’t pester me further; eventually, we became great friends. Funnily, she confessed later that she originated from a conservative culture too and was horrified by such questions initially, but gelling among the international crowd teaches adaptability and makes you more tolerant.
Indeed, a decade long stay on three different continents and traveling across five continents in more than 50 countries has unlocked the esoteric concept of the third mystical eye in the frontal lobe. Also, being a researcher, taught me to question “why” and “how” on everything and anything.
Well, I asked several people and of course googled, “why shouldn’t one ask a woman her age.” Some of the funny replies were as follows (italics my opinion):
If you ask a lady her age, you are designating her as a woman (whatever that means). It was beyond my comprehension. It was a piece of man-to-man advice.
Women don’t like to be reminded that the hair will gray soon and skin would wrinkle.
It is a sign of disrespect. Again a piece of advice to men. Wonder if any men discussed among themselves or ever asked the question to a woman. But, I decided to ask my man.
In response, the most incredible jibe was...”you women tend to remember the dates of the tiniest events to torture us husbands and multitask to always make us look incompetent. How can you remember a trivial detail like age! Since, you wouldn’t like to be rendered speechless, one mustn’t ask such a question.”
Well, to be honest, I was speechless that for once I didn’t even roll my eyes at his logicless logic.
According to me, every woman is a lady. Those were different times when the title “Lady” was bestowed upon a selected few, especially from the elite. Of course, younger ones are girls but the respect is due to every female.
Nevertheless, I would still say that although it might not be polite for a stranger to elicit such conversation, at the risk of sounding anti-feminist, I advocate that the query might not necessarily mean disrespect. It is not an uncommon question among friends, family/relatives, colleagues, and occasionally job interviews. Majority of the times, it is only a piece of numerical information required to be filled in for documentation purposes: census, passport/visa application, job application, etc.
But if still asked, I would say to all the beautiful women out there. Flaunt the number with pride and dignity. If you are in teens and twenties, it means you are like a raw sponge, ready to take life head-on. You are eager to face the challenges, learn, grow, and carve your niche in the universe. If you are thirties and forties, you have seen much, experienced much, but there is much left in you to continue. You have been a fighter and/or a survivor and aren’t over yet. If you are fifties and beyond, feel proud about yourself. You have emerged victorious in whatever journey you had embarked upon. The salt and pepper strands are hallmarks of experience. You can be a guiding force to those relying on you. The laugh lines indicate an adventurous voyage.
So, don’t fret...age is what you feel at heart, no matter what your body tells you!
“Age is not how old you are, but how many years of fun you’ve had” — Matt Maldre
